Aubaine du pontife

Hi there friends, it is indeed September. The ninth month. The end of the summer. No more warm and careless nights, no more shallow conversations about swimming, and much less manual labor. And more comix. You like comix don't you? I like comix, but I also like getting paid. Take, for example, the recent financially dictated hiatus. Another example- playing certain games on the internet. Jobs and gambling, both good ways to make money.

But aside from all the work and internet, I'm very excited for the very real possibility of seeing some real and human fans at the Alternative Press Expo at the end of this month in San Francisco. I love that city. I love meeting folks face to face, pressing the flesh as it were. One of my favorite things to press, actually. And there looks to be a good crowd of it gathering for this event.

So be well, check back soon, and prosper. More comix are coming, more opportunities are out there for you and I. Enjoy the leaves changing and see you soon!

sheepish

No other way to put it; had to get a damn haircut and start working full time, don't have time for comix, regular updates suspended til September. I'd hoped to stretch winter schedule a little longer but the Focus needs brakes and I ran out of dough and a lot fell through this winter so three weeks ago I had to start swinging a hammer again. I have a few other projects going, a few videos to be put up late summer or early fall. I'll do my best to finish out series 6 over the summer and do some animal alphabet but I make no promises. Sorry for that. Get on the rss, stay in touch on facebook and check back later if you can choke back the bile. It's summer though so you should be outside anyways. I know I will be. Also, get to San Francisco for Alternative Press Expo in October because I've got a table and some shirts still and who knows what all else. Maybe I'll buy you a Pabst? Think about it and thank you thank you thank you for reading.

cold swoll

Hello, there! Hi!

Dear readers, I've broken a promise, lately. I've also done some other things, which were good things and I don't mind telling you about them. First, the bad news. I missed an update. It's up now, but it wasn't there last Thursday, when you needed it. I don't know what to say for myself. I was having a... tough week, for art. Blank page syndrome. My doctor says I'm too young to be worried about that, says it's probably nothing. I said, that's the problem. Nothing. Not that I can't think of anything. I have plenty of ideas. They just couldn't make the jump from head to paper. I feel much better now, though.

Another thing that happened, when I wasn't not updating, is skiing. And I'm not talking about the namby-pamby, get dressed up and sit down for some hot french fries and cold beer. Nor the, swishy, splashy, knees together, edges-tuned, goggle-tanned good times. Do not get me started about hi-speed quads. I am talking about skiing, the cross-country kind. Real skiing. On Saturday I went to Mount Greylock (elevation just a shade under 3,500 feet) with my two fellow coaches and four varsity high school skiers, and we skied UP. It was windy, and cold, and the top was about 8 miles from where we parked. It is redundant to say, but it was mostly uphill. To summit took about 2 hours and 40 minutes, which is pretty good time. Pretty GREAT time. When we got to the top it was snowing sideways and the view was not visible. There were no buildings open, and the only shelter from the wind (which was ferocious) was a line of tethered outhouses. I can tell you that's the first time I've ever eaten lunch with six other people in a john. I know it sounds gross, but this particular john was hygienically frozen and did not appear to have had any visitors in quite some time. After getting the feeling back in our fingers and toes and faces, and almost repairing a blown out binding (my heel plate broke off; I tried but failed to fix it with a plastic bag and my knife) we headed back. The trail was mostly downhill, this time. It took less than an hour and a half to get to our cars. I fell at the bottom, but no one saw.

4th Anniversary

Hi folks,

It's been nearly four years since I officially started AFE, and I've got some good news. First of all, if you've followed the site at all over the past few years, you know I'm terrible at updating regularly. I won't get into the reasons, but as of a few weeks ago I've made some personal changes which will allow me to commit to regular updates. That means a new strip every Thursday, and occasional updates at other times in the week. I'm trying to work up to two a week but I can't promise that yet, so let's just agree on Thursdays, OK?

In other news I'd like to announce that there will be a change in layout. I've had basically the same layout since 2006, and I think I can manage with a newer look. It won't be anything major, no new ads or style shifts. I'm just going to streamline the news section at the bottom of the archived pages, and probably add "intro" and "help" pages. That means when you type in the URL you will no longer land on the latest comic, but instead go to a grid of recent updates. I know this sounds effed up, but trust me, it'll be fine. My main reason for doing this is to make it easier for visitors to see what they've missed, and make internal navigation easier. In the past I've found the breakdown between main strip updates and the "other" section to be a little clunky, and I'd hate for you to miss any new pages I put up. You'd hate to miss them, too. Also, I'm hoping to attract some new readers and I want them to feel right at home when they get here. I'm going to put up a picture of coffee and donut holes, and the word "free".

Lastly, in webcomics news, I went to Webcomics Weekend 2. It was put together by the real-life people from TopatoCo in Easthampton, MA. They put on a really great show in their huge old mill building, and it was swell to see some of the faces behind the art. I got a chance to meet some insanely talented creators, play with toys I can't afford, and laugh and laugh and laugh. I was also lucky enough to meet Ryan North, whose webcomic was what made me want to start my own site way back when. Ryan is the author of Dinosaur Comics, and he also started the advertising program Project Wonderful, both of which were really nice things to do. Although, I must say, I had expected him to be taller. He's only about 6' 8". How tall is T-Rex? Like a hundred feet? Is that something anyone can even answer? Anyhow, forget I mentioned it. Great times last weekend in Easthampton.

I need a lover that won't drive Steve crazy

You ever notice how the radio in my hometown in Massachusetts only gets about three stations? I have noticed. Lots of people have noticed. I'm heading back for another summer and we listen to the radio A LOT. While we're maintaining, when it's leisure time, in and around the shop and when Uncle Vito calls us to prayer. All of these times are suitable for fm radio. Like I said though there are only three stations. One of the stations is terrible, the other one is garbage. The last station is classic rock. This station plays nothing but hits. The way you can tell they're hits is because they've been on the radio since they were released 30 to 50 years ago. Every day, in every way, you are guaranteed a steady stream of classic rocks that you still remember from yesterday, and which you can predict well past tomorrow.
My good friend Derrick Waldo saw this repetition and made a fun game. He turns on his radio, and when he sings along he replaces "me" with "Steve". Holy crap! Waldo you have beaten new life into dead icons! The Beatles suddenly tell you that she's in love with Steve, but I feel fine. What is that about!? Who is this guy? I want you... to want Steve. I would love for you to love Steve. You must have me confused with someone else. Oh really? Is that so? You don't know Steve but I'm your brother. Take that to the streets. Hell, go ahead and take it to the bank. Don't walk, don't run, fuckin' FLY. Like an eagle. Let your spirit carry Steve.
All of a sudden, Boston is in a whole new light. You must understand this; I've watched you for so long that I feel I've known you, I know it can't be wrong. If we just get together, I want to make you see. I'm dreaming of your sweet love tonight, come on and let it be. Let Steve take you home tonight.
Is this frightening you? Are you afraid? Have you fled from your radio dial? Baby, come back. You can blame it all on Steve. I was wrong, and I just can't live without you. The possibilities are effin' staggering, and most of the time it works. Don't believe me? Go ahead and try, go ahead and take Steve on. (take! on! Steve!) I'llll beeeee goooooone/ innnnnn-uUUUHHH day or twooOOOOOOoooo

One Trillion Is Not A Real Number

I heard the other day that Alex Rodriguez came out and admitted to the world that he has chickpea-sized testicles. That takes a lot of courage. Thanks a lot for that, A-Rod. I think what would be nice to see in the news is more cheats and crooks getting paid lots of money. It would be nice to see them never ever perform well in the post-season, too.
My friend Andrew was talking about Superman the other day. He made a pretty good point. He said that Superman can fly, and be bulletproof and shoot lasers and make decisions. Lex Luthor, on the other hand, can't do most of those things. Lex Luthor is Superman's nemesis. He can't even run very fast on account of being a fat-ass. He is just a normal human being who is really greedy and good at business. For some reason he hates Superman, and they fight a lot, and sometimes Lex Luthor almost wins. He almost beats a bulletproof super-good-looking man that can fly and shoot lasers. It's funny because there is no such thing as Superman, but there are literally thousands of Lex Luthors. Thousands of normal, overweight guys who are greedy and good at business.
When I say it's funny, I mean it's funny in the way a good plane crash is funny. But not one of those cartoon planes. I mean a funny, real plane that's trying to land, but someone puts a stupid mime on the runway. And the mime is stuck in a stupid invisible box and he's trying really hard to get out, so he can feed his family.

Goddam Popular Science again

Every goddam month, every goddam cover. Some variation of the question "...is this the future of personal flight?" next to a picture of some kicked-out-of-the-comic book-convention me-tard wearing a photoshopped jetpack/jetcopter/rocket-zeppelin piece of HOOEY. The future of personal flight? Popular Science, you have been asking this same question for DECADES. Read your own goddam magazine. The future is now, and no one is personally able to fly (also, in the future future, jetpacks still won't work for shit. And useful technology still won't be popular).

On the cover of the February 2009 edition is Yves Rossy, a man destined to not usher in the future of personal flight. He is shown wearing his homemade, eight foot wide, 130 pound personal flying wing. He has spent enough "to buy a very nice sports car every year" for the past decade of research and development. I am pretty goddam sure that he doesn't read Popular Science.

Inside the article you can read about his flying machine. Depending on whether you believe the photo caption on page 40, or the article text just beneath it (the future of personal flight is poorly cross-referenced), it carries either 3.5 or 7 gallons of fuel. With full tanks, it can carry a single human asshole 22 miles(!), giving it a fuel economy somewhere between a Ford Excursion with flat tires and a Hess station that is on fire. America is reading this article and thinking, "Finally, someone who understands my problems!".

There is, however, one caveat; you need to start your trip from a goddam PLANE. Seriously. This month's installment of personal flight is only possible if you start "flying" out of a Cessna at 6,600 feet. That's like calling a sidecar the future of personal motorcycling. And then putting it on the cover. And then pretending it's science. Every. Goddam. Month.